Two years ago, I was robbed and beaten to the ground because of a chain of unnecessary drama. It started from something small to something big that in the end, suppose to have nothing to do with me. But I got myself into it because I wanted to stop people from hurting the ones I really care for. Those stomps and whips to my head really gave me some sort of concussion. I was traumatized. I made myself believe I was stupid and my grades reciprocated with it. Insomnia, short term memory, bad grades, light headed, no motivation. Damn, how the fuck did I get myself there?
After all that, I could really tell who the fake bitches were from my real friends. There was a line, and some people extended over that line and would initiate some sort of aggressive behaviour. Even the ones you know goes to church every sunday night could possibly be a fake bitch. A ‘best friend’ of over 5 years would say “Yeah, go ahead, haha fucking beat her up”. She ended up being the vice president of student council and managed to kick me out. Watched me crying in front of her and asked me “What’s wrong?” while all of our circle of friends could tell that she KNEW exactly what happened and that she was the most nastiest girl they’ve ever met. I walked into school every morning with a blurred mind and a headache. Everyone knew what happened. All the students would look at me. It made me feel like shit when they felt sorry for me, because i don’t want them to be sorry. I just wanted everyone to know exactly what kind of person she was. I would even sometimes smile at her and say hi. I stopped giving a shit about a lot of things. I became kinda apathetic. She apologized a month later.
Now it’s years later. I’m sitting on my bed typing this post. Couldn’t sleep, can’t sleep. Mild insomnia and problems with cognition and memory. I have tried harder these past few years to maintain my grades. frustrates me how I could’ve been better if I wasn’t beaten up on the ground. these post concussion symptoms aint even that bad, just mild.
& I told her that it was okay.
instead of blaming others, have you thought about changing yourself?
The reason I have so much hope is because I know you can change, you just haven’t realized it yourself. You drown yourself only in negative thoughts rather than thinking about ways to become a better person. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Through the problems we’ve encountered, just wanna let you know that I love you.
I’ve contemplated about my life and how I have matured through the hardest stages of my life. I’ve never been so proud of myself considering the things I was involved in back in high school.
I enjoyed my high school years. From the labelling, rumours, drama to developing close relationship with wonderful people. I never imagined myself surviving high school.
Now that i’m attending University, things are a lot different. It’s harder to trust and befriend people. It’s also very stressing because of the work load. I haven’t been so anti-social in my life. & this is a part of growing up.
Before Uni, I was worried about being accepted to a undergraduate school. But now that I’m in school, I’m worried about my future and how i’m going to survive.
High school never taught me this. University expects you to be independent. The professors read off of slides, they don’t really teach, so i learn mostly by reading my textbooks. It’s frustrating because exams can sometimes be totally different from how professors prepare you.
But thank god, I AM meeting the GPA requirements.
& everyday when I take the train to school, I always feel so lonely. Although uni is a new way to start fresh, I feel like it’s so hard to trust people since first years are all thirsty people while all the older students are kinda looking for first year DTF girls. Not only that, I only see my boyfriend once every 2 or 3 weeks because of distance and school.
The few friends I’ve made always talked about how they did things to this boy/girl, and i’m just like “yeeeup”.
Since I did more things when I was younger, I grew out of house jams and things like that. Eh, I find my life grey.
sleep, wakeup, commute, school, library, go back home, study, read, sleep. & that’s the cycle everyday.