Stop comparing yourself to anyone lower than you. You already know they’re shit, and will stay there for a long time. If you want to be better, try to exceed or get to those who are higher than you. There is no point of thinking about toxic people in your life- they’re only a burden.
Two years ago, I was robbed and beaten to the ground because of a chain of unnecessary drama. It started from something small to something big that in the end, suppose to have nothing to do with me. But I got myself into it because I wanted to stop people from hurting the ones I really care for. Those stomps and whips to my head really gave me some sort of concussion. I was traumatized. I made myself believe I was stupid and my grades reciprocated with it. Insomnia, short term memory, bad grades, light headed, no motivation. Damn, how the fuck did I get myself there?
After all that, I could really tell who the fake bitches were from my real friends. There was a line, and some people extended over that line and would initiate some sort of aggressive behaviour. Even the ones you know goes to church every sunday night could possibly be a fake bitch. A ‘best friend’ of over 5 years would say “Yeah, go ahead, haha fucking beat her up”. She ended up being the vice president of student council and managed to kick me out. Watched me crying in front of her and asked me “What’s wrong?” while all of our circle of friends could tell that she KNEW exactly what happened and that she was the most nastiest girl they’ve ever met. I walked into school every morning with a blurred mind and a headache. Everyone knew what happened. All the students would look at me. It made me feel like shit when they felt sorry for me, because i don’t want them to be sorry. I just wanted everyone to know exactly what kind of person she was. I would even sometimes smile at her and say hi. I stopped giving a shit about a lot of things. I became kinda apathetic. She apologized a month later.
Now it’s years later. I’m sitting on my bed typing this post. Couldn’t sleep, can’t sleep. Mild insomnia and problems with cognition and memory. I have tried harder these past few years to maintain my grades. frustrates me how I could’ve been better if I wasn’t beaten up on the ground. these post concussion symptoms aint even that bad, just mild.
& I told her that it was okay.